Comments on: Some Balls are Held for Charity, and Some for Fancy Dress

By: Kuroi

Kuroi — Mon, 04 May 2009 08:52:53 +0000

Wow…Thats all kinds of messed up!
I wish I had you as a dad instead of the ass I got lumped with, I might not have ended up so shy and reclusive!

By: Erin

Erin — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:33:52 +0000

First of all, great post. Second of all, as a very passionate feminist it is really hard for me to stumble around on the internet. Everywhere I go I find online misogyny.

Thank you SO much for being a real human-being. You give me hope that my future husband (if it happens)will think like you.
Thanks for providing a safe place, even for a few minutes.

By: A Teenage Girl

A Teenage Girl — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:08:47 +0000

I agreed with basically everything you said, and laughed a lot too.

Your daughter is so lucky to have a father as smart, aware, honest, respectful of women’s autonomy, encouraging, and genuinely there for her as you are. The world needs more men like you.

I love my father to death, and he has given me more than I can put into words, but the knowledge that he trusts me to make my own sexual decisions was not one of them.

By: Megan

Megan — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:13:41 +0000

Kudos for this article! It’s wonderfully thought out. I’m 17 and I’m still a virgin. I have never taken a chastity vow, though when I was younger many of my friends had chastity rings and I thought “Hey waiting til marriage sounds cool” but then I got to high school and thought “Hmm…you know, that really isn’t a realistic expectation” seeing as more than half of my friends had already broken their vows by junior year. But I’ll know when I know, and I’ll make sure to regard all the risks involved.

Thank you very much for shedding light on a hopeless and sick ritual.

By: Olwen

Olwen — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 23:11:28 +0000

Thanks for the inspiration – thankfully, my parents have always been very straight with me and as long as I’m happy they don’t mind who I date etc. I hope if they didn’t like my boyfriend that they would tell me so.

Thank you for your post – very well written! – and I hope that you and your daughter will always have as happy a relationship as you do now. She is a lucky girl.

By: Kaete

Kaete — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 11:28:55 +0000

I didn’t read the title until I had finished the article, and now I am laughing at the horrible, horrible mental image it gave me of the Daddy-Daughter ball. Well played, sir.

Anecdotally – I was raised in the deep, deep South, but by transplant Hippy parents. While the other girls were out getting promise rings, I was the only one in the class with an extremely thorough sex education from home. Hell, I think I got my first “where did I come from?” book at five. I ended up being the one they would come to to find out “No, you can’t get pregnant if a boy goes in a pool and you go swimming in it.” and “No, toilet paper won’t catch all the semen if you stuff it up there.” (not making those examples up!)

My school – a public school, mind you – even sponsored an abstinence event where the girls were invited to sign promise cards, at which point they were given ribbons to wear that let them take off ten minutes of every class that day. Too bad for the boys, no ribbons for them.

Fortunately *my* father raised me to be proud and respect myself, so rather than join the crowd, I just watched and laughed at how stupid the whole thing was.

Ironically, nearly all of them had sex before leaving high school and three of them got pregnant and kept it. Meanwhile I ended up waiting until 21 to have sex, and the only partner I’ve ever had is now my husband.

Some of the best gifts a father can give his daughter is strength, self respect, and independence. She won’t learn those things if he teaches her that she must utterly follow her father until she can be given away to an appropriate male replacement, who she must then follow just as devoutly.

By: marcy

marcy — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:28:28 +0000

I’m an eighteen year old who did not have a guiding fugure of any kind, shape or gender in regards to sex. I’ve had to find everything out on my own, with the help of our oh so wonderful society and a few too many mistakes. It is for that reason that i think that these balls are just a horrible thing to do to girls. when ur brought up catholic/ christian you already have programed into your head that sex is a bad thing that you shouldnt have until sometime in the future when you put on a big white dress and give yourself away.
The fact that it’s called “giving yourself away” always made me uncomfortable, i cant even find myself yet and i’m suppose to give it away.
if i would have had someone like you in my life maybe i wouldnt be losing nights of sleep because of my sexual history…mayb i would have waited a little longer than 15.
you truly have one hell of a lucky daughter who will surely become a wonderful woman.

By: Lexi

Lexi — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:06:15 +0000

I’m another 17-yr-old girl who completely agrees with everything you have written here. Purity balls are creepy, patriarchal, and aren’t necessary for good memories at all. My father built our “special memories” by participating in my life and hobbies, attending school performances, and supporting all of my choices even when he didn’t agree. Unconditional love and time is the best thing a father can give his daughter, not some bogus “protection” of her sex organs and ownership until her wedding. Based on this article, your daughter will grow up to be a strong, self-reliant woman, and will have you to thank for helping her to get there.

By: Gail

Gail — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 14:41:03 +0000

I completely agree with your take on the whole “purity” concept. Nancy Gibbs’ article was so smarmy that I feel the need to take a very long, hot shower! I am sad for the girls who feel they must take part in that nonsense.

By: Konstantine

Konstantine — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 05:43:20 +0000

This article is fantastically written; thank you. It was a great read–I am a 17 year old girl and you really just put into perspective how lucky I am to have been raised by such good parents that would never dream of asking me to make such a ridiculous vow. They taught me instead to be fiercely independent, strong, and capable of making my own decisions, which is what it sounds like your daughter will grow up to be like as well. Congratulations on having such a wise view on your responsibilities as a father; your daughter will certainly thank you for it someday.