Ironically, George Sodoni was able to kill those women for the same reason those and other women wouldn’t fuck him: because George Sodini didn’t see women as fully human. Didn’t understand that they have the same emotions he did, that they desire and hunger and despair too. He couldn’t imagine finding someone other than what our society deems “attractive” to be attractive, because he didn’t even find “attractive” women attractive. He lusted after them, yes, but he didn’t want their company, he didn’t want their friendship, and he didn’t want their love. He just wanted them to fill the space beside him, like a trophy on the mantle — a validation of his manhood, his worth.

“Had [Sodini] reached out to, say, fortysomething women who were moderately successful and of averageish looks — and had he not hated women in general — he might have been able to find a woman who would love him for who he was. But Sodini didn’t view women as people; he viewed them as commodities.”

You’re right about Sodini’s low opinion of women. But you’re missing the greater point. He had an obsession with women, a fixation, a preoccupation with obtaining their affection and approval. That was his problem.

When it comes to our view of women, in this culture there is a continuum of Hatred on one extreme, and Adoration on the other extreme. So far that’s what the discussion has been about: how he failed in attracting women, how he failed by disrespecting women, how if he was just a little different he would have been acceptable to women. We are still — in this very discussion — focused on that continuum between Hatred and Adoration of women. Has it occurred to you that such a mentality is a little too woman-centric?

The opposite of Adoration is indifference. The opposite of Hatred is also indifference. All through this, Sodini’s fatal flaw was that he ascribed so much importance to the affection and approval of women. He both worshiped as well as despised them. He was preoccupied with them. He resented them and also longed for them. He should have found a way to de-emphasize women in his life. In fact, one time he did kind of allude to this when he wrote that he had started working out in the gym. For a brief period, he got some emotional respite because his mind wasn’t so preoccupied with women — neither hating nor adoring them.

Women do not deserve disrespect or disdain simply for existing. Neither do they deserve respect. Neutrality and, perhaps, faint indifference, is the attitude that an emotionally healthy man should have toward women unknown to him. A healthy man should carve out an identity for himself that does not depend on the validation or affection that women have to offer. They’re just people, after all. They’re not any more special than anyone else. Sodini was obsessed with them, and that made him repulsive to them, and that made them repulsive to him.

It wouldn’t have been this way if he had not been so focused on attaining their approval. I’ll say this about the cause of his thinking… A domineering mother does contribute to such an obsession among men with approval-seeking among women.

(needs a little editing at the bottom there…)