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Signs and Portents
By Jeff Fecke | July 28, 2006
Based on a True Story
“Good evening, ladies and Gentlemen, Stuart Glavin here live on a be-yootiful night at the historic 331 Club, where we’ve got a classic arm-wrestling matchup for the ages: Michael Brodkorb against ImpeccableLiberalCredentials. I’m joined as always by arm-wrestling and political legend John Marty*–John, what should we look for tonight?”
“Well, for ILC to win, he’s going to have to stay within himself, try to take things one game at a time, and not look ahead. Also, he’s going to have to push Brodkorb’s arm down until it touches the table.”
“Thank you, John. All right, the wrestlers are in position, and–they’re wrestling! Both men are trying to push the arm of the other down, and…well…they’re arm-wrestling. You know. Uh–John, any thoughts?”
“Well, Stuart, it looks like Brodkorb is really trying here to win. I think that’s a strategy that could pay off, unless he loses.”
“Good point. This is amazing–neither man giving an inch. Why, this reminds me of the historic matchup between George Wallace and Hubert Horatio Humphrey in 1966–a match that lasted thirty-four hours and finally ended with Humphrey ripping Wallace’s arm clean off. And wait–what’s this? No! It’s a draw! Brodkorb and ImpeccableLiberalCredentials have agreed to a draw! John?”
“Well, they say a tie is like kissing your sister, Stuart.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“No, like kissing your sister.”
“Why-I-oughta–wait a minute. Can it possibly be? Why–they’re going to go left-handed! They’re going to go left-handed! I can’t believe what my eyes are telling me I see! Brodkorb and ILC are off! Another difficult battle…but now Brodkorb is weakening! Brodkorb is weakening! Do you believe in miracles? Yes! ImpeccableLiberalCredentials has defeated Michael Brodkorb in an upset for the ages! John?”
“Well, I think you have to give credit to Michael Brodkorb. After all, going from the left-hand side he had a huge disadvantage.”
“So true. Well, that’s all for Thursday Night Armwrestling, sponsored by Drinking Liberally. So long, everybody.”
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*Any relationship to sitting state senators is strictly coincidental.
Topics: Potpourri | 2 Comments »
July 30th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
And that’s just the way it happened.