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The Apotheosis of Bush Fanatics
By Jeff Fecke | January 24, 2007
Before we discuss the State of the Union address by Bush, it is perhaps instructive to look at what his supporters wanted from him. Noted insane nutball Jules Crittenden penned the speech he wanted Bush to give over at Edsel Media. Among the highlights:
I come before you tonight not to make amends, not to make it good, curry any favor or find any middle ground.
I am, more or less, a lame duck. You’ve had your 100 hours of party time. I know. I won’t get any legislation passed without some major bottom-kissing. Maybe something on illegal aliens. That health insurance thing I’ll be talking about later tonight is pretty much for show. I know it isn’t going anywhere. A proposal to raise middle-class taxes for a healthcare plan you don’t even want? What was I thinking?
None of that really matters. Not now. Those are peacetime issues we’ve been bickering about for a long time, and I don’t expect we’ll resolve them anytime soon.
So what is the best thing I can do tonight? I can tell you the truth. What none of you want to hear. What you’ve been stopping your ears to. The ugly truth.
The State of the Union is a disaster. I did my best, but I made mistakes, and my best wasn’t good enough.
I did my best
But I guess my best wasn’t good enough
‘Cause here we are back where we were before
Seems nothing ever changes
We’re back to being strangers
Wondering if we oughta stay
Or head on out the door
We went to war without building up our army, and now, I am trying to make up for that.
But that is not the disaster.
The disaster is that you, Congress and the American people, do not care to fight.
Why didn’t Bush try that? It’s always great when you insult the American people. They react really, really well to it.
Didn’t you learn anything from Vietnam? Didn’t you see what happened when your predecessors in Congress, disgruntled and responding to public opinion polls just like you are, voted repeatedly to undermine an ally that was fighting for its survival and making headway against evil? There, I’ve said it again. Millions of people were murdered or imprisoned.
And then, those who wished us ill … the evil-doers … evil, evil evil … took advantage of our weakness.
Wow, didn’t we learn anything from Vietnam? No, Jules, or we wouldn’t be in Iraq.
But what awful fate faced us after our dread loss in Vietnam? It’s almost too horrible.
The Soviet Union, evil personified, invaded Afghanistan, knowing we’d do nothing about it.
Not the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan! Oh, woe! Oh, sadness! It worked out so well for the Soviets that one can hardly imagine…oh, no, wait, Afghanistan was the Soviet version of Vietnam. Plus we backed the Mujahadeen, a rag-tag group of Afghans and foreign fighters, including a young Saudi named Osama bin Laden. They would one day grow up to be the Taliban. So yes, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan was a disaster for us, though for rather different reasons than Crittenden suggests.
Where do you think this war we are now engaged in started, anyway? Just ask Osama bin Laden, veteran of the Afghan war against the Soviets, what lesson he learned from two decades of American appeasement and withdrawal in the face of provocation.
Uh…what? The Americans backed the Mujahadeen, who ultimately drove the Soviets out of Afghanistan, which proved to Osama that we’re weak. Also, the war began two decades ago, except that’s not what Osama says, since he argues this is centuries old.
My brain hurts.
Now, you want to negotiate with two of the world’s primary sponsors of terrorism, who are directly involved in support of the terrorists who murder our soldiers. You want to make an arrangement by which we will exit Iraq, and leave it to them. To loot, to murder, to fight over, while the rest of the world’s evil regimes look on, see our weakness, and plot their own moves.
Because the current situation in Iraq does not bespeak any American weakness, not at all.
You can try that, with resolutions, by cutting spending for troops in the field, as you seek the short-term satisfaction of withdrawal. But I remain President of the United States, and as long as I am, I will be no lame duck in this fight.
I will engage evil directly where I find it, in Iraq and in Iran. With an aggressive and ruthless new strategy and a plan to build our army as we should have a long time ago, I will show the American people that we can fight and we can win. I expect that the American people, though misled by their press and many of their elected representatives, will see results and will get it. Because the American people are a people who in the end don’t give up, don’t stop fighting, refuse to lose, and will choose to win. I have faith in them.
Shorter Jules Crittenden: if you don’t like Iraq, you’ll really hate Iran! Onward to Tehran!
A nation that is not willing to fight for what it believes in, for its place in the world, is not worthy of its own ideals. But that is not America. I now intend to help America restore its faith in itself. By fighting this necessary fight that we cannot afford to lose.
I think we’re quite willing to fight for what we believe in. We no longer believe we can win the fight in Iraq. That’s because we can’t. Afghanistan, contrawise, might just be winnable if we actually go back and fight there.
At any rate, Jules Crittenden closes with the perfect closing for the true sufferers of Bush Derangement Syndrome:
So … are you with me, or against us?
And that, in a nutshell, is how the Bush dead-enders view the world. You are either for Bush, or you are against the United States of America. There can be no middle ground. You cannot oppose the war in Iraq because you believe it weakens us, you cannot believe that Bush’s incompetence would make the already inadvisable Gulf War III: Revenge of Persia a complete and utter debacle.
There is George W. Bush and his supporters, and there are traitors.
It is insane. But support for Bush is no longer rational. It is driven by terror. And it is deeply saddening.
Topics: Bush Administration, Clap Harder!, Hacktackular!, Iran, Iraq | 1 Comment »