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Make Your Blood Boil? Well, I Should Say!
By Jeff Fecke | March 12, 2007
Once in a great while you hear of a danger to children so great it makes you sit up and take notice. Thank heavens the Christian Science Monitor is on the case of the most terrible crisis to face our children ever:
It’s one o’clock on a recent Saturday. Inside The Knitting Factory, a well-known local nightclub, loud music pulsates through a crowd of dancers, inviting them to “leave the nine to five up on the shelf, and just enjoy yourself.” The mirror ball overhead sends light sparkles through the dimly lit room, illuminating the occasional beer bottle or cocktail in a partyer’s hand.
Occasionally, though, it also lights up another kind of bottle, the kind that babies use, because this is not a late-night party. This 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. bash coincides with most children’s afternoon naptime.
Not…not naptime! Noooooo!
The event is a midday soiree specifically for the Mommy-and-me set – a nationwide phenomenon known as Baby Loves Disco. One afternoon each month, local organizers take over a nightclub – complete with a cash bar and the regular DJ spinning his normal playlist – and throw open the doors to anyone under the age of 7, accompanied by parents.
Okay, two things.
- Events for anyone under the age of seven accompanied by parents are not “Mommy and Me” events. They’re “Parents and Me” events. I’m not sure who should be more offended by that nomenclature–Mommies who are assumed to be taking care of the kids, or Daddies who are assumed not to be.
- Is the regular DJ really spinning his regular playlist? They’re really playing “Back that Ass Up” and “Gett Off?” Because–and maybe it’s just me–I doubt that would get much repeat business.
Now, assuming that they don’t play the nasty stuff–and given that I know people who’ve taken their kids to these events, I can assure you they don’t–this sounds fairly benign. Kids and parents at a dance party for kids and parents. Oh, the parents can drink, but that doesn’t differentiate it much from, say, a baseball game or dinner at a restaurant.
But you don’t realize the terror that lurks within.
Some child advocates call it downright dangerous while other cultural observers call it the latest sign of an ongoing fundamental shift in our attitudes toward children.
Yes–dancing with your children is dangerous.
“One of the major premises revealed in [Baby Loves Disco] is that we’ve shifted from a child-friendly to an adult-driven lifestyle,” says Lynne Griffin, an author and registered nurse who teaches in the Family Studies graduate program at Boston’s Wheelock College. “What we’re seeing increasingly is adults sharing a lifestyle with their children that is geared towards adult needs for everything from sleep to daily activities such as entertainment and communication.”
Just kill me now.
My daughter has come with me shopping. I’ve taken her to a baseball game. I’ve shown her the good Star Wars trilogy. Those things were all related to things that I wanted to do–and things I wanted her to experience. The result? She likes going shopping, she wants to go back to a baseball game this year, and she likes Return of the Jedi.
My daughter also is fond of “Sagwa: The Chinese Siamese Cat,” “SpongeBob Squarepants,” the Minnesota Children’s Museum, the Minnesota Zoo, drawing with markers, Dr. Seuss, the “Biscuit” books, and approximately four trillion stuffed animals. And I play with, read, take her to, and show her all of those.
Why? Because we’re a family, and families do things together. Some of them are more for parents. Some more for children. Some for both.
Incidentally, this one sounds like some for both–but more on that in a second. The child psychologists are still whining.
Noting that parenting styles tend to go in cycles, many clinical experts dub this a period of permissive parenting, in which adults do not set appropriate boundaries between themselves and their offspring.
“I’m seeing parents who look at their children and say, ‘He’s just like me, so whatever is good for me is good for him,’ ” says Don MacMannis, a child psychologist who is codirector of The Family Therapy Institute of Santa Barbara, Calif.
Okay, you keep using the word “permissive.” I do not think that word means what you think it means.
“Permissive” means that I let my daughter have an extra cupcake, just because she wants it. “Permissive” means we watch nine cartoons at night because she wants to. “Permissive” does not mean that I drag my daughter to a dance party that I want to go to.
As for the parents who think their children are “just like them”–well, my daughter is human. She’s also four. That means she’s got emotions and thoughts and drives and goals of her own–but she’s not got a lot of knowledge, experience, or adult cognative skills to guide them. I’ve yet to meet a parent that thought their kids were really “just like them,” at least not parents with kids younger than thirty.
So we’ve got the obligatory hand-wringing. Now we must know, who could have come up with such a horrible, nigh-Satanic ritual as this?
This traveling, mixed-age homage to ’70s and ’80s club life began as a backyard party at founder Heather Murphy’s home. A former dancer, Ms. Murphy says she and her husband wanted to share their favorite family activity with their friends.
“What we like to do is put on music, have a glass of wine and hang out with the kids,” she says.
Slow down, trollop! A glass of wine? Music? The kids? Why, it’s like the wickedness scene in The Ten Commandments, only far more brazen!
The party expanded first to New York when partner Andy Hurwitz, who was already promoting a Baby Loves Music business, came on board. It quickly began to expand beyond New York, opening in locations such as Portland, Ore. and Chicago; in the next few months, the event will expand to four more cities, including San Diego and Atlanta.
Nightclubs have been the logical choice for a daytime party looking for a home, says Murphy.
Not nightclubs! Why, do you know what happens in night clubs? No? Well, either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you do now wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a night club in your community. They’re filled with libertine men and scarlet women! And rag-time, shameless music that’ll grab your son-and your daughter–with the arms of a jungle animal instinct! Mass-staria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground!
We’ve got trouble! Right here in River City! With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “D” and that stands for Dance!
“We all have these ideas about what a nightclub means in our adult minds,” she argues, “but those are huge assumptions. Children don’t have those ideas.”
Right, like three-year-olds don’t go to a dance club looking to hook up. You expect me to think they won’t succumb to the moral danger of dancing?
Murphy says her group carefully screens local hosts in each city to ensure they uphold the party line, offering balloons, bubbles, and child-appropriate food such as fruit and box drinks, in addition to the music and open bar. Organizers of the Los Angeles Baby Loves Disco have created a space for the crawling set to boogie the, er, afternoon away, with blankets spread on the trash-strewn, sticky floor. Ropes hang in front of off-limits areas such as multiplatformed stages. A local spa has set up an adults-zone for Pilates, yoga, and belly dancing instruction, as well as massages. In addition, says host Chip Smith, parents are supposed to keep their alcoholic beverages at least a yard above the ground to prevent them from falling into the hands of the box-drink crowd.
The floor’s really “trash-strewn and sticky?” Sounds lovely. I’m sure night clubs have never cleaned, you know, ever.
And you mean to day that while dad hangs out and supervises the kids, mom might have a cherry wine spritzer or (gasp!) exercise? You’re kidding me!
Lawyer Lynne Smith stands on the dancefloor with her 3-year-old son, Sanders, falling asleep in her arms. “I love to dance and I can bring my son, so this is great,” she says.
Dad David Levin chases his two sons across the dance floor, pausing just long enough to say, “I like that I can have a drink while the kids are having fun.”
Yes, yes, it’s all about you, isn’t it? So your kids are having a good time, dancing, playing with other kids their age, and enjoying themselves, and you’re having one light beer. For shame! Why don’t you just lock them in a closet?
Despite its obvious appeal, this boundary blurring between what clinical psychologist Nancy O’Reilly calls one of our most adult activities – nightclubbing – and young children is worrisome. A lot can happen quickly in a darkened room with a lot of mixed-age activity, from a child picking up the wrong drink to a stranger walking out a side door with the wrong child, she suggests.
Oh for God’s sake.
Let me stow the snark for a second. A lot can happen anywhere, at any time. My daughter could get a drink at a friend’s house, or could be plucked out of a shopping mall. I take pains to ensure neither happens, of course, as does her mother–but there’s no place that’s 100% safe.
But I’d lay odds that kids are safer at a club full of kids and parents–all of whom are monitoring their kids–than they are at your average Target. And that’s no slight on Target.
As for the presence of alcohol–well, I’m sorry, but alcohol is everywhere in society, and a number of parents drink around their kids. I don’t; I don’t view it as a moral failing or anything, but I choose to be completely sober when parenting. But can a parent be a decent parent with one whiskey sour in them? Yes, they can. They probably can’t be with twelve beers in them–but that’s not going to be helped by shutting these events down. I have a feeling I’d take exception to a drunken idiot hanging out with the kiddies. I have a feeling I’m not alone.
But let’s take one more whack at the pinata, shall we?
“If you leave so many things without some kind of boundaries, you’re just asking for trouble,” argues Ms. O’Reilly, the founder of WomenSpeak.com, whose practice is based in Springfield, Mo.
Let’s just cut through all the euphemisms here. All of the complaining, questioning, scolding? It’s about sex.
Clubbing is seen by these psychologists as all about sex. 100%. Dancing to music? Drinking juice boxes? Having a fun time with mom and dad? These things are peripheral. It’s all about the “jungle animal instinct,” to use Meredith Wilson’s wonderful phrasing.
And yet–when I was in my early twenties, I would go dancing with a large group of friends, male and female. No doubt some members of the group hooked up afterwards, but most didn’t. For the most part, people went to dance, hang out, have fun.
Dancing does not equal sex. Sometimes, dancing isn’t about sex at all. Sweet Zombie Jesus, haven’t these people ever seen Footloose?
I mean, seriously, people. My daughter dances during preschool, and during dance class, and yet neither has become even vaguely sexual. She’s four years old. If you can’t see a four-year-old going to a place with music and treats and dancing and just having a good time that is wholly unrealted to sex, you haven’t met may four-year-olds.
Mr. Hurwitz admits to being a deer caught in the headlights of so much national attention, and explains that the group has evolved so quickly – and reached such a wide and enthusiastic audience – that some of the details, such as low-rent venues, may have gotten away from it. When asked about trashy bathrooms and dirty floors in the Los Angeles club, he apologizes, explaining that clubs in other cities are brighter and cleaner. But he stands behind the philosophy of Baby Loves Disco. “[It's] real music, with real DJs in a real nightclub where they can dance, and have an authentic experience,” says Mr. Hurwitz. “That’s what we’re trying to offer to parents just as another option for the whole family to enjoy.”
And…that’s what it sounds like. It sounds like it might be a nice event for mom or dad to take the kids to on a Saturday afternoon. They’ll get good exercise, listen to music, and spend some time together, in an atmosphere filled with family types.
It sounds completely unlike the end of the world or the worst thing ever. Thank you, Christian Science Monitor, for wasting all of our time.
Amanda has more.
Topics: Media, Potpourri | 5 Comments »
March 12th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
I think the point that is trying to be made is that the Nightclubbing lifestyle that many in their 20s and 30s make a regular routine may not be the most appropriate thing to subject children to. I would say it is a bad habit to foster early…unless you want your kids to get in the habit of frequenting clubs as early and often as possible. Sounds like a fast track to making alcoholics to me. I would take my kids to any of these events.
March 12th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
“Those things were all related to things that I wanted to do–and things I wanted her to experience. The result? She likes going shopping, she wants to go back to a baseball game this year, and she likes Return of the Jedi.”
Despite my best efforts, my kids still prefer the Wiggles to Slayer.
March 13th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
wow – thank you SO much for this.
i’m the co-founder of baby loves disco and i really appreciate your understanding.
you obviously “get it”. would love for you to come anytime as our guest.
the christian science monitor lady interviewed me for 3 hours (two sepearate 90 minute phone calls) but she had her angle that she was working
and really wanted the piece to be “controversial” from the outset.
anyway – thanx!
March 19th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I experienced the S.C.C. in Hollywood, as the assistant to the host. I was asked why would i bring my child to a “nightclub” and my response was “Yes, I grew up in a home where we would dance in the living room for fun. I love music, dancing and enjoying good fun with the whole family including my son.” Her reply to that was that it’s dangerous. I nicely told her, that danger could be anywhere. Thanks to all the BLD fans! I heart BABY LOVES DISCO :)
March 22nd, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Oh, this was too funny. “Boundary blurring”, give me a break. Your critique was spot-on and hilarious to boot.